Although Davidson said not to get too adjective happy, I think the interaction about the BB shooting itself needs just a little more detail. If not more adjectives, then dialogue definitely and more thought process. MacKenzie already pointed out the reaction of the mother, but do you remember your own reactions by chance? I feel the need for a little more emotion from the narrator. Secondly, I think you might have two different stories here - the BB incident and the building up of masculine personality by your father. I think you already developed a lot of the key characteristics and events that the second story would require, and I would begin with the line about your dad warned you about the bullying Dan would do to you. You may not have meant to word the events in such a manner, but I find it extremely interesting how your father encouraged you to be tough and be a good ball-player and then decided you didn't need to play baseball because it was an all-male team. I would LOVE to see more of these memories come together for an essay.
However, I too would like to hear more about the BB incident between you and your brother in great depth with lots more dialogue, as Mackenzie as already mentioned.
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